Are joy and play OK?
I think they're essential
I speak to so many people who are feeling traumatized these days. A woman recently told me that she stopped exercising after the election.
I get it.
When I’m stressed, I can easily fall into a despairing feeling that everything, including my work and self-care, is empty and futile if it doesn’t fix whatever is troubling me.
But I know that’s a spam email from my brain. I realize I’ve got to wade through that despair for a while sometimes and simply turn kindness toward my confused, collapsing ego. But my deeper wisdom speaks in its quieter voice, reminding me that taking good care of myself actually benefits the world, and although in reality I’m mostly powerless, I do have small contributions I can make, both in my regular work and for the problem at hand.
Taking good care of myself means getting to bed early, planning easy but healthy meals, spending time outdoors, seeing people in person, listening to guided meditations, journaling, asking for spiritual guidance, and moving my body every day, but not to the point of exhaustion or extra stress.
And there’s one more aspect of my self-care I have learned is essential: finding and creating opportunities for joy, play and laughter, even when I don’t “feel like it.” It may start out forced or fake. But especially with other people involved, I soon get into the flow.
I lived in Mexico for three years, and I learned a lot there about accepting life’s risks and losses and dangers, and dancing, singing and celebrating anyway. It’s not only allowed but encouraged.
Sharing joy, play and laughter with others helps me release stress and fear and find my calm, centered self again.
And that self is more likely to take wise, effective action in support of myself, others and the world.
Unfortunately, in our society, adults looking for “fun” are offered endless opportunities for buying, snacking, drinking, watching, scrolling, and worse. These might feel enjoyable in the moment but seduce us into over-use and detract from our self-care over time.
What works better? Activities that bring us some or all of the following:
Bringing people together across differences
Connecting us with the whole of life, not just fear and sadness
Anchoring us in the present moment
Getting us into a state of flow
Awakening our creativity
Releasing chronic stress, and more.
Isn’t this exactly what we need right now? Especially adults? Especially stressed-out adults?
I believe in this so much, and so I seek out and create playful activities for others, and try to add fun, laughter and joy even to my “serious” classes.
I recently led a Laughter Yoga session at the Arlington (VA) Central Library, and a participant said at the end that she felt “unknotted.” Yes!!
And yesterday I hosted an “Introverts’ Big Talk” 😄 on Zoom, where one of the topics was “what lights you up and sparks joy?” My conversation partner T. mentioned humor, emotional sharing, solving problems, dancing, sex, communicating with her grandkids, giving truly thoughtful compliments, and doing random acts of kindness.
I mentioned moving my body to music with others (like in Aqua Zumba!), being creative (funny song lyrics, videos), and doing playful pranks, like putting googly eyes on objects in the wild. I don’t know why that cracks me up so much, but it does. I hope it brings a laugh to others and doesn’t cause harm or damage (as some of my pranks did earlier in life, sorry!!).
As I talked with T. yesterday, I realized I’d love to combine her random acts of kindness with my own pranks and come up with random pranks of kindness. 😜 If you have ideas for those, I’d love to hear them!
Might you have a fun deficit?
My health coaching clients often experience a key turning point when they add more fun, play and sources of joy to their days.
They realize they were turning to our culture’s ubiquitous offerings of food, drink, social media and TV, and consuming too much in their quest for relief and satisfaction (oh yeah, I used to eat an entire bag of jalapeño potato chips and feel worse than when I started, except for the mouth-burn that at least eased my boredom).
I get to the end of the day and realize I haven’t had any fun and deserve a treat. - Pretty much every client I’ve ever worked with 😂
What do you do for its own sake? What did you love doing as a child? What helps you feel good after you do it, not just during?
Find fun and joy with me?
Working with me as your weekly Zoom coach can speed up your search for “positive now, positive later” activities that really work for you and help you liberate yourself from counterproductive habits and cravings. Reach out or make your own appointment with me here for a sample coaching experience or just to talk! Find out more about my joyfully effective yet surprisingly affordable coaching at www.fierceafter45.com.
Or just come play with me! Check out my calendar here and join one of my upcoming activities on Zoom or in person in the Washington DC area. They include (free or optional donation-based):
Virtual pelvic floor training workshops (1 hour), highly effective but with lighthearted humor and my “Pelvic Name Game” song at the end 😂
Virtual Laughter Yoga and “Introverts’ Big Talk” with Finding Female Friends >50
A WANCE on the National Mall in Washington DC. WANCE means freestyle dancing while walking, “so liberating” as a participant recently said!
My “Fierce in the Forest” outdoor workout on Saturday mornings in Falls Church, VA
Laughter and much more at the Adult Play Day by Let’s Play America in Takoma Park, MD.
Thank you so much for reading this, and please join me in an event or reach out, I’d love to hear your reactions and ideas.
Wishing you fun, joy and laughter amid the stresses of life, and hope to see you soon!